Why Wedding Planning is Like Shopping for an Engagement Ring

[bonny_kate]

Joel and I shopped for (together) and bought (together) my engagement ring in the two days after we got engaged. It seemed like there were a lot of people who assumed that this would be a wonderful or romantic experience. That somehow shopping for an engagement ring would be lovely. It wasn't for us. We spent hours and hours (after having looked at rings the previous month) looking over hundred and hundreds of rings, and only found one that we both liked enough to be on our list of potential rings. It wasn't about the Experience. What I really wanted right then was to curl up next to Joel on the couch all day and just be able to enjoy being engaged. We looked at so many rings, and spent so much time, because it is such an important symbol to us, but we really just wanted to be done so we could get back to important things (like watching Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow).

Wedding planning for us is much like engagement ring shopping. The details are important. We've spent a lot of time thinking about them and deciding what we want and like and can afford. Joel's spent so many hours researching venues online. I've spent countless hours looking at paper and thinking about centerpieces. None of this is bad. We think it is all important. But what I'm really wanting right now is to curl up next to Joel for a very long time and just absorb the fact that we are engaged.

Right now I'm burnt out about wedding planning (and trying not to snap at anyone who asks how the wedding planning is going). I'm so ready to be married. One of my friends asked if I'm excited about the wedding. I'm not. I'm ready to be married and done with all this stuff. I want to be done with this wedding. For a while, our weekends were little islands of sanity in a crazy, wedding filled week. Joel and I would sit on the couch and maybe watch a movie. It was lovely and so very helpful. Now we're coming to all sorts of things that have to be done on the weekends (like meeting with a florist, or our priest, or so on). There is so much wedding stuff that has to happen. Right now there are many things I don't really care about (like centerpieces - one of my friends was trying to talk abou them the other day, and I had to say that I just didn't care right now).

My two lovely roommates (who are also friends and bridesmaids) are excited about things like finding the perfect color of pillar candle, or finding matching colored bubble favors (and possibly painting J <3 K on them, because they are crazy, but an awesome sort of crazy). I'm not.

Family has also been . . . a little crazy lately (not going into details). More stress.

Right now I just want to be done with the wedding and get back to important things (like watching Buffy or Dr. Who with Joel). I really do care about our wedding, but right now I'm over planning it.

Comments

[cadenzamuse.livejournal.com]

I got to this point way before Tom, which was interesting, as he kept saying, "We have wedding things to do!" and I would be like "DO NOT WANT".

Is it possible to let go of some things? E.g. let your crazy roommates have full control of the pillar candles and bubble favors and gently steer them towards not worrying you with it any more? Or are there things you can cut out? Or can you take a two week moratorium on wedding planning? A lot of the WIC is built on fear--that you won't have the perfect wedding, that you won't actually manage to get married, that people will hate you. I've found going "No. It will be okay. In fact, I refuse to do anything towards this stupid event this week. It can keep until next week and what doesn't get done doesn't get done, so there!" has been really helpful for my sanity and perspective.

[bonny-kathryn.livejournal.com]

We are really trying to put Other People in charge of things as much as possible (so, for instance, my very awesome roommates are in charge of making paper roses with words on them, and Joel's sister is putting together the reception playlist). I can't quite let it go entirely, because it turns out that I do care about things like centerpieces (not a lot, but I can't just give the project away entirely, because, after all, it is our wedding and our party).

But there's still a lot that we have to do ourselves (like meeting with the florist and such, and also things that I want a certain way, like the invitations). And I want more time to do it in.

Right now I don't think I could handle a week long break of wedding planning. It would start to stress me out how much needs to be done. I'm trying to take off at least one evening a week and do whatever I want. I'm also trying to make goals and work towards them (like having the invitations out by mid-September, so looking for paper the past few weeks). It feels like we've cut everything that we don't actually care about (like wedding favors) and there are still many important things left, like flowers and food.

I'm doing better today, though. I have paper for invitations and it is pretty (it may not be the perfection I would have liked to have found, but I really do like what we are doing for our invitations because it is awesome and us and pretty and involves pretty paper and pretty fonts, both of which fill me with glee).