![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
body image
Oct. 17th, 2013 02:29 pmBody image is a great, big, complicated issue for me, as I know it is for quite a lot of women. I've been struggling with being happy with myself lately for two reasons: I gained back some of the weight I lost when I was engaged, and I'm wearing a bra with a much larger cup size.
Before dating, I didn't really struggle with my body image, but I wasn't entirely comfortable with myself, either. I felt cute on a normal day when I was put together, and gorgeous only in formal wear. But then I started dating Joel, and having someone consistently tell me I'm hot really changed how I viewed myself. I started wearing more fitted clothes, tighter t-shirts, lower necklines, and shorter shorts. I became more comfortable with myself, especially after we were married, and Joel would tell me that I was hot, even when I was lying in the couch in my pajamas after throwing up all night. I wish all women could have that confidence.
But now I've gained a bit of weight, and also found that my body isn't quite what I thought. I was squashing my breasts into a too small bra (the closest to fitting at a regular store), and it turns out that I needed a cup size two or three sizes larger. That's a lot. That means that my bust measurement is actually two sizes larger. Now, while society seems to have a script about how you should feel, it's not how I feel. I feel less confident, now. I can't buy cute bras at Target anymore, and am spending four times what I used to spend just for one. My shirts don't fit the way that I bought them. I'm now having to buy shirts a size larger so that the button placket doesn't pull.
I'm trying to look in the mirror and be comfortable with myself, but it's kind of a shock. My clothes fit differently, I look different, and I'm no longer confident I know what looks good on me right now. It doesn't help that my close friends, the ones who I can go shopping with for a good opinion, don't really live close enough for it to be a very reasonable option.
I wish it wasn't like this. I wish that we didn't have the media telling us that you should have a certain body type, that you should be busty but not too busty, in order to look good. I wish that stores had more of a range of clothes and bras. Because all the women I know are gorgeous, and most of them have trouble believing it.
Before dating, I didn't really struggle with my body image, but I wasn't entirely comfortable with myself, either. I felt cute on a normal day when I was put together, and gorgeous only in formal wear. But then I started dating Joel, and having someone consistently tell me I'm hot really changed how I viewed myself. I started wearing more fitted clothes, tighter t-shirts, lower necklines, and shorter shorts. I became more comfortable with myself, especially after we were married, and Joel would tell me that I was hot, even when I was lying in the couch in my pajamas after throwing up all night. I wish all women could have that confidence.
But now I've gained a bit of weight, and also found that my body isn't quite what I thought. I was squashing my breasts into a too small bra (the closest to fitting at a regular store), and it turns out that I needed a cup size two or three sizes larger. That's a lot. That means that my bust measurement is actually two sizes larger. Now, while society seems to have a script about how you should feel, it's not how I feel. I feel less confident, now. I can't buy cute bras at Target anymore, and am spending four times what I used to spend just for one. My shirts don't fit the way that I bought them. I'm now having to buy shirts a size larger so that the button placket doesn't pull.
I'm trying to look in the mirror and be comfortable with myself, but it's kind of a shock. My clothes fit differently, I look different, and I'm no longer confident I know what looks good on me right now. It doesn't help that my close friends, the ones who I can go shopping with for a good opinion, don't really live close enough for it to be a very reasonable option.
I wish it wasn't like this. I wish that we didn't have the media telling us that you should have a certain body type, that you should be busty but not too busty, in order to look good. I wish that stores had more of a range of clothes and bras. Because all the women I know are gorgeous, and most of them have trouble believing it.