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This Present Craziness
Jun. 4th, 2013 04:25 pmSome days I don't know how to be married and be in a partnership. I don't know how this is supposed to work. That is the short version.
This is the slightly longer version (I may post the long version later). Work has been crazy for the past while, what with applying for jobs and all that entails (applying, tests, more tests, preliminary interviews and so on), as well as working full time, but then for two weeks it was insane. For a variety of reasons, I ended up filling in for some weeks for the job I didn't get (I was the second choice) and then doing my work, a large piece of someone else's work, and training two people. It was ridiculously stressful and I couldn't do everything (this, as a low level temp).
Somewhat earlier, Joel and I had applied for the same job (in a department I would like to work, doing work that he is interested in). We both went through all the preliminary steps, some of which happened in the midst of the above insanity. He got an interview. I didn't. That's hard.
What's harder is that he got the job. It is good because it is a step up for him, doing more of the sort of work that will put him in a position for the job he wants eventually, but it is hard. He has a job that is better, and I couldn't even get an interview. I don't know how to process this emotionally.
Right now, he is having a crazy couple of weeks because he is trying to catch up on the important things at his job and also make sure that the appropriate people know how to do everything that he has been doing. But I don't know how to be sympathetic because I had a worse two weeks failing to catch up on everything and teach two people my job because I didn't get that job I was temping for.
I don't know how to be celebratory when the narrative only involves Joel getting the job, and not me failing to get even get an interview. I don't know how this works as a partnership when I keep thinking that I should feel celebratory, that this is a good thing for our marriage long term, but I just can't.
This is the slightly longer version (I may post the long version later). Work has been crazy for the past while, what with applying for jobs and all that entails (applying, tests, more tests, preliminary interviews and so on), as well as working full time, but then for two weeks it was insane. For a variety of reasons, I ended up filling in for some weeks for the job I didn't get (I was the second choice) and then doing my work, a large piece of someone else's work, and training two people. It was ridiculously stressful and I couldn't do everything (this, as a low level temp).
Somewhat earlier, Joel and I had applied for the same job (in a department I would like to work, doing work that he is interested in). We both went through all the preliminary steps, some of which happened in the midst of the above insanity. He got an interview. I didn't. That's hard.
What's harder is that he got the job. It is good because it is a step up for him, doing more of the sort of work that will put him in a position for the job he wants eventually, but it is hard. He has a job that is better, and I couldn't even get an interview. I don't know how to process this emotionally.
Right now, he is having a crazy couple of weeks because he is trying to catch up on the important things at his job and also make sure that the appropriate people know how to do everything that he has been doing. But I don't know how to be sympathetic because I had a worse two weeks failing to catch up on everything and teach two people my job because I didn't get that job I was temping for.
I don't know how to be celebratory when the narrative only involves Joel getting the job, and not me failing to get even get an interview. I don't know how this works as a partnership when I keep thinking that I should feel celebratory, that this is a good thing for our marriage long term, but I just can't.