castles of sand

I am sorry, dear friends, that I have not been around much of late. I have been reading your posts, of course, but I haven't really been writing much (or at least it seems that way) and I have been responding even less than usual. I doubt this will improve much in the near future. Things have been rather crazy lately.

I am in the midst of sewing Ren Faire costumes, which is taking longer than I hoped, but about as long as I expected. See, we (being Maggie and Irene (rushnsamrn) and I) usually go to a Ren Faire in the spring. So I thought I had a year or so to work on things, take my time and all that, although it might have been rushed anyway. But Maggie is in San Francisco, so Irene and I are going to visit her, and go to a Ren Faire in Northern California. Suddenly I only have a month (now about two weeks) to finish everything. I think I'll finish her bodice (which started out life as a formal dress, but I would bet you can't tell as I've cut off the skirt, changed the zipper, added grommets and cap sleeves, and now need to add trim), and I think I'll finish my bodice (to which I added grommets, though it still needs trim) and I even think I'll finish the purses (which I've started) and my hat (which is a lovely thick felt hat from Kohl's that I'm adding a hatband, feathers and whatnot to) but I don't think I'll get as far as making the lovely golden shirt that I have the pattern, thread and material for. *sigh* Oh, and I also need to change the waistband on my skirt for the Ren Faire. Basically, this has sucked up giant amounts of time. There is lot's of handwork involved. I have put in *forty-two* grommets so far, and am very proud of myself.

The bits of time not spent on sewing are often spend on job hunting. I had forgotten what a large, time consuming thing job hunting usually is. I've been spending lot's of time on CareerDirect and Monster hunting through jobs, applying to said jobs, and tweaking a cover letter for said applications. It all takes time, and is stressful, and will be even more so if when I get to the bit of interviewing. I wish that I actually lived where I want to work, because it would be easier to take an afternoon off and take my resume into places, but if I want to do that now I would have to drive to LA and take at least a day off of work. It still manages to take up a lot of time, though.

Also, I'm not looking forward to moving again. We just moved at the beginning of this month, and there are still a few things that belong to me at the other house (which is getting fixed up before we sell it), and I don't really want to haul everything somewhere else, and pack up all the things that I've unpacked (which isn't everything, because I'm trying to leave things in boxes, but some things can't be left in boxes). I shall be very glad to have a place of my own, and my own apartment, but I don't look forward to the moving process.

Right now I'm really, really homesick for LA. It doesn't quite make sense to me why I like it so much, because everyone knows that LA is crowded, the traffic is insane, and the air is terrible. But somehow I like it anyway, because of the vitality and energy that is in LA. There's always something to do, unlike here where it seems the only thing to do on a weekend is watch a movie, go to a restaurant or the mall. That's part of it. Another large part of it is that I haven't really made connections here. Sure, I grew up here, but I don't have many friends here, and I don't even have very many people I hang out with. This town and I get along all right most of the time, but we are like strangers who pass each other every day on the bus, but never speak more than a few, trite things, and nothing ever clicks. Towns have personalities, maybe not usually to the extent that people, or even animals have personalities, but they still have that individuality. This town still thinks like a small town, even though its pretty big, it doesn't think that it is. We get along in that awkward way that perhaps you understand if you have a cousin you only see every few years, at some birthday or anniversary party, and you politely talk about nothing because you really have nothing in common, but everyone thinks you ought to because you are the same age and sort of grew up together.

I'm homesick for LA, but I also miss our house. This new house is nice, and spacious, and it is a lovely thing to have a craft room where I can leave the sewing machine out at night, and the patterns on the floor. It is new, and full of light, and my mom and grandmother are hanging pictures and organizing things, and it looks quite nice. But I have woken, at least twice in the night, to find that my room is not the way I remember, and have experienced that strange disorientation because the furniture is in strange places. I miss my roses, and my trees, and everything about that house. I have been back to visit, but it is strange and empty, and there is new grass in the backyard with newly poured concrete edging, and it feels so very strange.

I miss my brother. I have no idea when he's coming back from China.

For some reason, too, I have been missing my two week cat, Gandalf. I am mad at the world for dumping this sweet, loving cat in the first place, and for preferring kittens. I wish I could save all the homeless cats in the world. I wish I could give them a decent chance at life.

Somehow this post has turned into the reasons why I am moping today, so let me end with something that made me happy. Yesterday it rained, just a little, for the first time this fall, and the world smelled clean, and new, and full of possibilities. Now it seems like fall, which I have always loved, full of pumpkins, apple cider, hot chocolate, dancing in the rain, crunching leaves, vampire stories, and all the fun of Halloween (chocolate and the one day that it is not weird to dress up).