Meh

I am dealing with the fact that I didn't get into grad school, not splendidly well, but I am dealing with it. What I am not dealing with very well is the reaction of everyone I have to answer that question "did you hear back yet?" (which is partly my own fault, as I told everyone I was applying to grad school) Because I answer that I didn't get in anywhere, and they answer with the normal sympathy, which is all very well, I suppose (and really, I don't know that I would have anything better to say at that point). But then usually comes a question which I don't know how to answer courteously (and the majority of people have asked it). "What are you going to do now?" I have managed to not say anything snarky or anything like what I feel, because I think most people are just trying to be helpful and hopeful and not depressing. But what I really want to say is that I don't know what in the world I am going to do because all my nice, neat little plans and dreams have come crashing down. This is depressing, snarky, and not really true, even if it feels like that, and it is surely a good thing that I have not responded that way.

My brother called last night from China. I miss him, in a conflicted way, because he really is much happier over there than he was in California.

In other, happier news, I have just found out about a job opportunity, that although an hour away, and only one day a week, would be exactly my dream job. Basically, it would be perfect and exactly the sort of thing I think I want to do, and all my friends say I should go for it, so I am, because I really think I could work something out with my current job in order to make this work.