bonny_kate: (doctor and rose)
 Joel is sick with something nasty. I would guess that it's food poisoning, except that the only thing he has eaten in the last 24 hours that was either unusual or something I didn't eat was a banana, and a banana doesn't seem like the sort of thing once can get food poisoning from, and he has a fever.

I'm generally pretty good with sick people. It brings out my mothering, so I fuss and heat up soup and offer to buy ginger ale and such. I have learned, though, that I'm bad with vomit, as Joel was throwing up earlier and it made me feel close to throwing up (yet another reason I don't really want to have kids - I also gagged a whole lot when dealing with a litterbox, so I can guess that I'm not the best with cleaning up those sort of things).

Hopefully Joel feels better soon. He's miserable and there's nothing I can do to help. *sigh*

bonny_kate: (Default)
 I try to ignore the dishes as I walk past the kitchen sink. Both sides of the sink are full to overflowing with plates from dinner and bowls from breakfast, silverware and coffee mugs, and tupperware balanced precariously against plastic cutting boards. There is no space for the pots and pans, dirty from making french toast or potstickers or steaming vegetables, so they sit accusingly on the stovetop. It makes me a little anxious, knowing that the dishes are there. I am more centered, more calm, in a house that is not too dirty or too cluttured. Despite this, the dishes will have to wait until Joel can do them.
 
I will try not to say anything to Joel tonight; he already knows that the dishes bother me. 
 
I would like to spend the time it would take to set the dishes in order. I shouldn't. In the past several months, I have developed hand pain that is aggravated by many things, but among them doing the dishes and scrubbing. The doctors have been unsympathetic when I tell them that this pain prevents me from doing the dishes. They suggest that I avoid activities that cause me pain. It is hard to avoid sewing or baking for pleasure, and it is frustrating to avoid household chores as well, not because they bring me pleasure, but because I want them done.
 
The advice I've heard is that you should either do it yourself, or learn to let it go. But this seems to assume that you can do it yourself. It bothers me enough, a nagging irritation at the edge of my consciousness, that I would rather spend forty-five minutes to have an empty and clean sink. I shouldn't. On a very good day, when my hand hasn't been stressed very much, I allow myself five or ten minutes, but this does not make a noticeable dent. No one warned me about this part of marriage. No one warned me that I would see something that needed to be done and be physically incapable of doing it. That I would want to take care of something but know that I shouldn't. 
 
We have already decided that our next apartment will have a dishwasher, but that does not help us now. 
bonny_kate: (cinderella)
This Christmas was miserable. I wasn't expecting it to be easy, but it was very miserable.

I was expecting it to be hard, as I was missing midnight mass at my church. After spending the last few years with my family, we decided to spend this Christmas day with Joel's family (and, logistically speaking, all my family was around the weekend before Christmas anyway). But this meant that I missed on midnight mass, which was really, really hard because midnight mass is the only tradition that is truly mine. My family has various Christmas traditions, but they are family traditions. Midnight mass at my lovely church (with the fabulous stain glass windows) is very much my tradition; I started it and I love it. We planned on going to another church for midnight mass, but it isn't the same (not that I could have had what I was wanting anyway, as the church in my home town had to move buildings).

And then I got sick on Christmas Eve. I spent Christmas Eve flat on my back with all sorts of back pain feeling nauseous and subsisting on ginger ale and crackers. Christmas day was much the same, except that Joel spent some of it with his family so I was sick and by myself on Christmas day.

Then my vague symptoms turned into an actual cold and I spent nearly all of the rest of the two weeks that Joel had off sniffing and drinking ginger ale and generally not being able to do much. We didn't make it to the beach (despite the lovely weather), we didn't make it to see any movies in the theater (despite wanting to see the Hobbit), and we didn't do anything for New Year's Eve (we went to bed early and the fireworks woke me up).

I hate saying that I had a miserable Christmas, but I did. It was made worse because Joel doesn't really get that much time off, so it felt like a bit of a waste because we couldn't do anything.

At least I started feeling somewhat better by the weekend after New Year's. Joel and I went over to a friends house and played a fabulous game of Arkham Horror (it was very intense and the last turn determined if we won or lost, so we won by the merest hair after having some very good and some very bad luck) and then we played Pandemic. It was my first time playing Pandemic, and I enjoyed it. Since I was considering making playing Pandemic a resolution for this year, that, at least, was a good start to the year. Christmas was still miserable, though.
bonny_kate: (kaylee)
I was planning to write a bit of a story yesterday (or possibly to work on some Christmas presents, that I am fervently hoping will actually be done in time for Christmas). But then it turned to be one of those days.

I was sitting on the couch, in my pajamas, Joel having just left for work, because our apartment is so small it is impossible to get back to sleep until he is actually gone, when he burst back into the apartment. His car wouldn't start. So I threw on the nearest clothes (in approximately thirty seconds), and scurried down to my car to give him a jump. Nothing. His car wouldn't even turn over. And, of course, yesterday was the day that streetsweeping happens on that side of the street.

I promptly realized that the only way Joel was getting to work was for me to give him a ride, as I needed my car. So I grabbed a granola bar and water, and made Joel drive, because I'm not much of a morning person, and less so when I'm five minutes from going back to bed.

On the way home, I stopped by Starbucks (because I needed coffee, and was in the middle of cleaning my coffee pot), and instead of buying a regular coffee, had a very delicious eggnog latte. It was beautiful, and felt seasonal (it had not yet reached 80 outside), and the world was a wonderful place, and it was a good day.

Then I called and had Joel's car towed to the mechanic.

Went to my appointment with the physical therapist (I strained the muscle in my thumb, and it is ever-so-slowly improving). Unfortunately, she said she was unable to sign a form for the latest job test proving that I need accommodations (a larger pencil and breaks). So I had to make an appointment today with my general practitioner.

Then I went to pay for the repairs on Joel's car, which, luckily, was only about forty dollars, as it turned out that the cable was dirty and loose, but the battery and starter were fine.

I dropped by Nordstrom, only to learn that while they carry bras in my size, they don't carry suitable sports bras. The only sports bra they carry is very sheer, and shows a lot more than I'm comfortable showing, and isn't even that supportive. *glare *

Then I drove over to pick Joel up from work, and we went home and had dinner. That was nice. Except, of course, that after dinner we had to go pick up his car from the mechanic.

I was totally exhausted, and spent most of the day running around. I think I was mostly exhausted because I wasn't expecting it, because I'm usually fine being up that early in the morning, if I can wake up slowly with my coffee. But that is why I didn't get any writing done yesterday.
bonny_kate: (doctor and rose)
Some days I don't know how to be married and be in a partnership. I don't know how this is supposed to work. That is the short version.

This is the slightly longer version (I may post the long version later). Work has been crazy for the past while, what with applying for jobs and all that entails (applying, tests, more tests, preliminary interviews and so on), as well as working full time, but then for two weeks it was insane. For a variety of reasons, I ended up filling in for some weeks for the job I didn't get (I was the second choice) and then doing my work, a large piece of someone else's work, and training two people. It was ridiculously stressful and I couldn't do everything (this, as a low level temp).

Somewhat earlier, Joel and I had applied for the same job (in a department I would like to work, doing work that he is interested in). We both went through all the preliminary steps, some of which happened in the midst of the above insanity. He got an interview. I didn't. That's hard.

What's harder is that he got the job. It is good because it is a step up for him, doing more of the sort of work that will put him in a position for the job he wants eventually, but it is hard. He has a job that is better, and I couldn't even get an interview. I don't know how to process this emotionally.

Right now, he is having a crazy couple of weeks because he is trying to catch up on the important things at his job and also make sure that the appropriate people know how to do everything that he has been doing. But I don't know how to be sympathetic because I had a worse two weeks failing to catch up on everything and teach two people my job because I didn't get that job I was temping for.

I don't know how to be celebratory when the narrative only involves Joel getting the job, and not me failing to get even get an interview. I don't know how this works as a partnership when I keep thinking that I should feel celebratory, that this is a good thing for our marriage long term, but I just can't.
bonny_kate: (Default)
I keep meaning to post, mostly about my lack of posting. Every time, though, that I resolve to post more often (say, once a week) life becomes very busy once again. But, in spite of the business, I am still going to try to post once a week (even if I don’t have time to say much). In the interests of time, here is my life of late measured out in bullet points.

- I went to the Renaissance Faire with Maggie, Joel, Irene, and Dan from D&D (this is how I introduced him to Maggie and Irene, so they spent the entire day calling him “Dan from D&D”; there is a moral somewhere). It was a good Ren Faire, although the jousting was sub-par (I have become more picky and less easy to please when it comes to jousting the more experience I have; this applies to other things as well). They had a new show, of falconry, and brought out falcons (although they did not fly them because of the presence of a multitude of ducks, which the falcons would be inclined to go after) and flew two owls (they were lovely) and a vulture (it was comic). We also saw Serenata, which is a group of musicians that sing Renaissance songs from around Europe (Italian, Spanish and English). The Ren Faire deserves its own post.

- I have started working again (sort of). I worked in the same building as Joel for a month, covering for someone out on medical leave, and then spent a month not working. But they called me (rather desperate) and asked if I would be willing to work on-call. Since the work is decent (if not what I would like to do permanently), and the people are very nice (so much better than my last job), I agreed. It means that some mornings I am called around eight in the morning and pack my lunch, put on job appropriate clothes (rather than a t-shirt and jeans) and drive to work to be there by ten. This is rather a stretch for me, as I am the sort of person who likes to plan things out, and am rarely spontaneous. But it is hard to plan if you don’t know what you are doing tomorrow (so I must consider if I should do the dishes tonight, and have less time for cuddling with Joel on the couch, or leave them for tomorrow, when I may have time to do them during the day, or may not if I’m working).

- I’ve been reading. A lot (recommendations are welcome, as I’m running out of books to read). I am making up for six miserable months of being engaged and having no time to read (you would think it would take more than six good months to make up for six lousy months, but in fact it does take longer to recover). The book I would recommend to ya’ll is Shades of Milk and Honey (this deserves a post unto itself). It is a fabulous relaxing read, and I think anyone who likes Jane Austen with a fantasy twist will like it. It is Jane Austen with magic, but it is not simply a re-telling of any of her novels, nor is it the sort of magic one generally finds in fantasy novels. Rather than being Pride and Prejudice With Magic, or some such, it is occasionally reminiscent of Pride and Prejudice, occasionally it reminds me of Sense and Sensibility, and there are bits I am sure refer to Northanger Abbey. It is lovely, and I can’t help but like the main character, Jane, who is plain but remarkably accomplished, particularly in the art of glamour. Glamour is the only magic we see, and it is an art that accomplished young ladies are expected to know a little of, weaving illusions to complement their watercolors and musical accomplishments. I wasn’t entirely satisfied with the end, but overall I very much enjoyed the book. (I discovered the author in a roundabout way, after reading her Nebula nominated novella, which is a fabulous sci-fi mystery about a detective and his AI partner whose avatar is Mae West.)

- Joel and I have been married over seven months. It is fabulous and wonderful and still occasionally unbelievable. We still occasionally have our misunderstandings, but being married is just so good, and so much better than being engaged. I know some people have had a hard time adjusting to being married, but it has been remarkably happy and blissful and easy for us.

- I started the ridiculously complicated process of legally changing my name (I waited until after we got our tax refunds so as to (hopefully) simplify things). So far as I could tell, I had to actually physically go into the Social Security office to turn in my application, since they wanted to see not only my marriage license and birth certificate, but my driver’s license. So I waited an hour, turned in the paperwork, and will hopefully have a new card soon. Then I can go into the DMV to change my driver’s license (something else that must be done in person). After all that, I can finally go about changing my bank information, car registration, insurance, and all the million and one places in which one’s name is listed legally. Eck. I find it frustrating that this is such a long, involved and somewhat painful process when it is so common.

- I’m trying out the next RPG (*gulp*). Joel is currently the DM (in non-RPG terms, the narrator / monster creator), and he’s finishing up a D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) campaign. Once that finishes up, it looks like we’ll be playing Exalted (I would describe this, but I have no idea how to because I don’t know that much about it, except that it is a fantasy setting RPG). I’m playing around with a few ideas for character creation, but also waiting until we have more world building details before I worry about it too much. Allison (previously the only girl in the group) is helping me out with how to go about character creation (helpful both because she thinks of things in term of character and plot instead of numbers and mechanics (Joel is super into the number and mechanics side of things, and my eyes start to glaze over rather quickly) and because she is the only one in the group to have played Exalted). If I find that I don’t like it, I can always kill off my character in a spectacular way (which makes my morbid side happy).

- I’ve been thinking lately about gender roles and expectations, especially regarding toys and fairy tales (I should probably post on this at some point).

- I’m planning a road trip to Hearst Castle in a couple of weeks to meet up with Charis and Sharon (Syf). I know this will make many of ya’ll jealous, because it will be awesome.
bonny_kate: (doctor and rose)
So, I was sick this weekend (and am still feeling a little under the weather). Not sure what sort of bug I managed to catch - it felt like food poisoning, but I didn't eat anything out of the ordinary, and Joel ate the same things I did and wasn't sick. Saturday night was miserable, as I spent a lot of it throwing up and the rest of it on the couch feeling miserable. Sunday I spent feeling achey and nauseous and having a slight fever. I ate maybe five saltines the entire day. Monday I managed to have some soup and pudding, and today I'm hoping to feel well enough to take a shower.

I also learned that having Joel around when I'm sick is amazing. It's lovely having someone take care of you when you're sick. I mean, when I was home after college my mom would buy me soup if I asked for it and that sort of thing, and my roommates after I moved out were also always nice enough to offer to buy cold medicine and so on, but Joel is really good. Because moving on Sunday made me feel nauseous, he brought me saltines and water (and went out and bought saltines and apple juice because I was wanting both). And he stayed home from church just to be next to me (which, in our apartment, meant sitting on the floor next to the couch or on the chair on the other side of the room). He didn't complain at all on Monday that we were sitting around reading (and watching Secondhand Lions) instead of doing anything we'd planned to do on his day off (he heated up chicken soup for me instead).

I teased Joel a bit because of an article I read once where a man was saying how much he wanted a wife to make him chicken noodle soup when he was sick (this man apparently had lousy roommates who wouldn't pick up soup from the store on their way home, or some such, because he was complaining that he had to go to the store to buy it himself). I said that one of the reasons I got married was to have a husband to make me chicken noodle soup when I'm sick. It isn't one of the reasons, of course. But it is an awfully nice side benefit.

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Kate Saunders Britton

April 2017

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